Did you know i am smelling roses not roots,i keep my dragon fighting hat close at hand.
hardship makes you learn meaning tx tx is hardest thing i have ever done physically not day to day but 11 months unrelentless issues is tough well the thing is tx affects your brain i didnt really believe it you know part of you is watching from the outside, the sane part and it sees the crazy part do stuff and the sane side feels helpless nothing it can do but the thing is if it wasnt for the nutso aspect and brain fog, no one would last 11 months it wipes out certain memories almost they are there but so unimportant cause crazy takes center stage, i think it really helps however theres no total break the sane side doesnt completely go, it stays in background, thank God honestly i think this is what scitzsophrenia must be like ,well thing is its not on a daily basis moments are fleeting but they come i never feel in big danger like the short term memory thing well i know how i felt before tx that memory hasnt gone about my life. needs, joys, wants, health tx gives me a longer future maybe better, doesnt necessirily change it oh very mortal not about dying but how one dies we all die there is a man was having back pain for months scrugged it off finally went to docs has baseball size tumor on spine, inoperable doc says 1 month to live entered hospice friday the pains bad he has no wife and kids but a mom and sister his goal? to not die at christmas time and ruin their thoughts of the season he is 35 thats what i mean its not the dying but the how that tx brings to the forefront of our future i have never been afraid of death i know a lot of people who died personally not one has had a complaint ha ha ha no never contemplate it but i think before tx i really never thought of my death death obsessed things always but not my own no never i have jokingly said bury my ashes in the back yard but i have no concerns about where my dead flesh goes after i want to start a support group, did i tell you about that? right real life . the biggest thing people on tx need is support all my life i have never felt the need for other people too much one thing i have learned on tx is that it is absolutely the most critical thing i didnt choose not to go that route there are no live support groups in this area or i would have been there my thoughts is it is really needed there are those with NO support if i can give that MT would be very happy its a way to give back something yes the MT inside me and i may not get SVR or i may people can benefit either way
