Week 21

~waves~
iam still alive
Barely got out of bed this past weekend. Treatment takes a toll on my energy. Saturday i was weak and nauseaous. Sunday extremely tired to the point of not wanting to move. My blood counts are going downhill slowly, but still in range, except for my white count. So just taking things easy. Going to the bathroom and back is like running a marathon on weekends. It's about all i can do to get to the finish line. Saturday and Sunday are my worse two days. Saturday i am plain psychotic, including bouts of paranoia and feelings of abandonment. The abandonment is me thinking i'm so misirable, why would anyone want to be with me. i have good support and really not need feel that way. Good thing that only lasts a day. Sunday i'm exhausted from being crazy on Saturday. Then my week starts all over again and i go to work the next 5 days. i do my shots on Friday so i will be home for the two bad days i get each week. Continuing to work has been a big struggle, but i do it because if i was home i'd stay in bed all day. That can't be good for anyone. Hopefully i don't get to that point but if i do, i do. If i never get out of bed i couldn't survive tx. i have to push myself to do it. Oh i came to work today, grabbed the back of my hair and snipped off 5 inches. Hair is now few inches below shoulders. i couldnt stand how straggly it has gotten. It has been coming out so fast that i decided i could have less tugging each morning if it was shorter. It's very curly so lots of tangles. Less length should help with the snarling and snagging of my comb. i go today to a retina specialist to have a dark spot checked near my retina. Found on a routine eye exam last week. Wonder what's next. One day at a time.